Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Lesson 11


I project my thoughts and feelings onto this world.  In and of itself the world has no meaning, but instead has the meaning that I project onto it.  If my thoughts are negative, I will have an ugly view of the world.  If my thoughts are positive, I will see the world as good.

My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world.  That is the focus of the eleventh lesson.

Lesson 10


I can really feel that "A Course in Miracles" is trying to help reprogram my negative thinking patterns.  I feel more strength on a daily basis, and it's only been 10 days.  I'm starting to feel that I have more control of my thoughts and that I can become more often aware of my thoughts so that I can stop the negative thoughts from leading me into a train wreck of a mental disaster.

I am starting to reprogram the way I see the world.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Lesson 9


I see nothing as it is now.

Again, this was not an emotionally charged exercise.  I just look around and acknowledge that the objects around me are not being seen as they are now.  I am not seeing this lamp as it is now.  I am not seeing this laptop as it is now.  I am not seeing this door as it is now.  I am not seeing Ray's face as it is now.  I am not seeing the building across the street as it is now.

This one had my mind playing with the science of the statement, which in turn had Ray telling me again that I'm thinking too much.  I was thinking about astronomy and stars, and remembering how the stars we see at night could possibly be long gone since the light takes years to reach us.  Well, I know that the objects near us reflect light and that is how our eyes can see them, so the reflection is much more instantaneous, but still we are not seeing them exactly in the state they really are.  We are seeing them a fraction of an instant after the light reflects off them.

But yes, I think too much, and surely this is not the purpose of the exercise.  Or is it?  I see nothing, perhaps.

Lesson 8


My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts.

It seems this exercise is a good way to become more aware of our thoughts.  I have noticed that I am becoming more aware of them lately, which is a step to take to be more of a creator of good thoughts and therefore more of a creator of my own life.

In this exercise I search my mind for thoughts that are bothering me, and if you've been following my journal, you know there have been several things bothering me.  (Who doesn't have things bothering them?)  Like everyone else I'm worried about money right now.  I accidentally overdrew the checking account.  When I think about it, worrying about money is like worrying about spilled milk.  What is done is done and there is no sense in worrying about it.  Perhaps worry serves its purpose when there is a little bit of it because it will help me to not make a habit of overdrawing my account, but I don't need to obsess on money problems.  So, my mind is preoccupied with the past thought of overdrawing my account.  My mind is preoccupied with the past thoughts of having an overbearing and abusive father.  My mind is preoccupied with my father's cancer and not knowing if I want to allow my father back into my life and therefore also his toxicity which can harm my health. These are all past thoughts.  My mind is preoccupied with them.  My mind is preoccupied with worries about Ray and his driving.  Will he have another accident?

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Lesson 7


I only see the past.

This lesson was easy, and not so emotionally charged.  It was object oriented.

I look around me and choose things to practice with.  Like a cup, for instance.  I see only the past in this cup.  I see only the past in this hand.  I see only the past in this cell phone.  I see only the past in this apartment.  My knowledge of this apartment is based on my living in it and my experiences with it, my walking around in it and sitting in it, sleeping in it, eating in it and spending time with Ray in it.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Lesson 6


I see something that is not there.

...that is why I am angry, or sad, or worried.

...when I think about this I understand it.  Where else do all these feelings exist?  There are no things outside my mind that are THERE.  There is nothing to touch.  They are just memories created from the past, nothing in the now.

I am worried about money because I see something that is not there.

I am angry at my father because I see something that is not there.

I am sad about my cat dying because I see something that is not there.

It just isn't there.

There is nothing there.

Just memories.

Nothing exists there.  Just memories created from a past.  Nothing in the now.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Lesson 5


I am not angry for the reasons I think.  I am not angry at my father for the reasons I think.  (...and I say "reasons" because it is VERY plural.)

I am not depressed for the reason I think.

Ray had a car accident today.  He's lucky to be alive.  I am not worried about Ray for the reasons I think.

An old pet died today.  I am not sad about the loss of the cat for the reason I think.

There are no small upsets.

All the upsets in my mind are of equal value, so even something as mundane about worries about money can work here, too, I assume.  I am not worried about money for the reason I think.

I guess it holds true that anything that upsets the mind alters the equilibrium whether it be great or small.  Is it so?